Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers

Rumi wrote “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

Relationships have changed more in the past 30 years than they did in the past 3,000. That shift has left many of us confused, wounded and worried about the possibility of love in our relationships.

The result of this ‘confusion’ has been a divorce rate that has soared to above 50% for the last 50 years. In the dating world, hurt and heartache have become the norm for many people. Research suggests that 50% of the population are either afraid and therefore avoid commitments with love, or else are deeply scared and anxious that love will keep ‘leaving’ them. I understand the fear that comes with love and relationships. I’ve been there. But there are proven ways to get safe with love. The only question is, are you ready to be safe to love again?

Today, ‘love’ has become something of a ‘boogie man’ for many people. The boogie man for our generation is no longer the thing in the closet or the monster we saw at the movies as children. These days, the boogie man for many adults is love. We are scared to death of love and mortified of its commitments. We need a calming voice to show us our fears are hardly the truth. That ‘closet’ which scares us is not what we think it is. Simply put, love is not the ‘boogie man’ we feel, think or fear it to be. We can find ways to get our minds and souls safe with love.

What’s stopping you with love?

If you are single, maybe you want to find a committed relationship but just don’t know how to get started. Maybe, you are so unsure of ‘relationships’ that beginning to date again feels overwhelming or just plain dangerous. Or perhaps, you are so jaded that some part of you just feels safer being lonely and single.

If you are in a relationship, maybe you have given up on feeling passionate again. Maybe you are thinking of leaving or divorcing because the relationship feels like a hamster wheel of hurt. Maybe you are a natural ‘runner’ but you know, you need to learn how to stay. Or perhaps, you secretly want to experience the soul mate relationship of your dreams but find yourself ‘settling’ for far less. You would like to change all this, but don’t know where or how to start.

Some people have gone to relationship seminar after seminar, and done coaching until they are blue in the face. Yet some part still sabotages things or simply won’t go with the program. You might want to be in a great relationship, but strongly suspect that some part of you does not. Maybe this is you. So, what’s getting in the way with you actually finding true and lasting love?

How committed are you to creating a lasting love in your life?

This is the crucial thing. Love is a choice. It may be accompanied by feelings, but it always boils down to our choices. To make better choices with love, sometimes you just need a trusted guide to help you find your way.

Can you imagine how great it will feel when you wake up next to the love of your life, and everyday is filled with the support and the amazing feeling of being really loved? Or, working it out with your partner and finding a true soul mate beside you? This is what being safe to love again is all about.  There is a way to get our brains, hearts and souls safe with love again.

When will you let now be the right time for you to have the love you deserve?

Yes, you can wait for ‘something’ to change. Or, you can begin to choose to create a new relationship with love. Why waste any more years having less than your birthright when it comes to a safe and fulfilling love? You can have the love you deserve and keep it as well! When you know that your soul mate is waiting for you and you are ready to take the first step on that path.


Send in your stories on how you found your soul mate to

My coworker, Justin, found his soul mate in college. And he said to himself, I want to be with this woman for the rest of my life. Now, he changed his last name to her last name since she would not change her last name to his after the wedding.

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connie dello buono

Health educator, author and enterpreneur or ; cell 408-854-1883 Helping families in the bay area by providing compassionate and live-in caregivers for homebound bay area seniors. Blogs at Currently writing a self help and self cure ebook to help transform others in their journey to wellness, Healing within, transform inside and out. This is a compilation of topics Connie answered at and posts in this site.

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